Reflections

So I promise promise to start writing more and keeping this thing updated. Well, there isnt to much going on in my life right now. For starters, I had to get back with the rents due to my ex roommate. New the guy for ten years and screwed me over for a pair of legs. I don't mind that he got a girlfriend and found someone he likes but dont play with my living situation. He basically lied the entire time about not renewing my lease when he said he would stay another year. Luckily, I figured that might be the case and planned ahead. So we had a big argument about it and that was that. No lost on my part. I take betrayal and loyalty seriously. Its things you expect more from someone you have known for a long time. But shit happens and it makes you see how people really are.

Job is going well. Hoping to get a job at the Post Office at some point till I finish school. About school, I hate it. I have always hated school. A waste of time to learn things that are not pertaining to the real tools you need in life. I only went back cause I was bored. Probably not something most people would do but it keeps me busy for the time.

By the way if you havent seen it already see the Dark Knight. There is a reason I named my blog that. One of the greatest super hero movies and movies I have seen in a long time. Heath Ledger was beyond words. Its a shame he died so young. If they make another Batman I dont think it would be as good with anyone else playing the Joker.

On the love life note....There isnt one at all. I seriously think Cupid has it gunning for me and just like yo forget you. I have no luck with the ladies at all. All disappointments. Its just that the loneliness is getting to me and its just growing. I try to fill my time with other things but its like a shadow in the back of my mind. I try to ignore it but it wont go away and just gets worse and worse. There was this one girl I was really interested in. Nice eyes, light skin, cute face and just long black hair. Great body just a sweet heart. Though she had a attitude would put a pitbull to shame. I mean full force lol. Though I knew how she was she had another side to her that I loved. I dont know I just always had a thing for light skinned women. Not that my brown sistas arent beautiful( glassess and sarcastic with a nice hour glass body are a huge turn on) but I guess it stems back from when the first girl I ever really liked was named Simone. Black and French and what a combinatin. Long black hair, light skinned and a lil black mole so small on her left cheeck. I remember her like crystal in my mind. Always nervous around her but she never was interested in me. So pretty much thats my weakness lol. Though this girl I was trying to get with nothing happened. I did everything to show her the guy I was really was. Disappointed yes but life goes on.

Currently, there is another woman I have been talking. She lives far from where I reside but shes cool. We talk almost everyday and online so convos are pretty good. Met her online lol which is weird for me but hey shit happens. Seen some pics and not bad looking at all. Gotta see her in person though but that as yet happened. Still in the process till we actually meet up I guess.

Besides all that crazy mess I am doing pretty good. Healthy and living. Been annoyed though cause I am hearing the your so bony and skinny comments again but I ignore them. I have heard it all before in my life and I cant change who I am. Love me and Except Me.

In the world looks like Obama is going to be president. If he does win, supposedly will be the first Black president. I laugh cause when hes brown or dark as night than hell be the first black president. I always found that funny how America will accept a black man as president if his skin is lighter and close to white. I guess that paper bag check is still in progress..... If you dont know what I mean read a book you illiterate SOB. The economy is crap, people are losing houses left and right, infected food, and we are still occupying a country that is not ours. Sometimes I find it hard that we are allowed to live at all with all the things we do. We honeslty have no respect for this planet or each other. There are those would rather destroy something than let someeone else have it or use it. It is that bad. Have we learned nothing from history. I guess not. Maybe I am too optimistic sometimes. Its not even that I am logical. I try to be reasonable about events and look at the true meaning. Everything we read and watch and are taught is tangeled in some twisted deceitful lie. Not totally our fault but that of those before us and the cycle keeps going on.

Well, its late and thats all she wrote. Live life like its your first time and love as if its your last. Dark Knight out....

Situations and Complications

I have decided I need to get back to my roots and continue to write more. I use to write all the time what was on my mind. The ideas and thoughts I had about everything. I haven not written here in awhile so it feels good to be back.
At the moment Im feeling lonely and very much lost on what I should do. I havent had this feeling in awhile and it has returned. That feeling no self worth. I dont know. I dont hate myself at all far from it. I just feel sometimes as if Im some monster that I a woman dosent want to get close to me. I recently told this one woman I was trying to be involved with how I really felt. We had a sort of friendship for over 10 months now and a few months into it I became attracted to her. We called and texted each other very much everyday. I enjoyed our conversations and it was nice to have someone finally call me for a change. As with things she had no interest in me. On my part I knew she still was in love with her ex but I was determined to show her I wasnt a jerk and was a better man. I failed. It bothered me for sometime that I had wasted so much time. But than again was it actually a waste. Well, than again no it wasnt. Its now I dont want to be friends with her any longer. I felt as if she used me. Why call me and text me all the time? There is no need too. I never had a woman do that before why should one start now? But I was nieve and can only blame myself partly for it.
Than there was someone else who I had actually had a small time with who I thought was a alil understanding. She wasnt. She was in fact crazy as my friend told me. She too left eventually. All I have had was mostly bad luck with women. Each time I grow colder inside myself and become distant and not trusting. I mean how can I believe anything anymore that or look for anything. Somethings I know. Others its like I wont even look now. I will automatically assume that any female who smiles or acts nice to me is just doing it to be doing it. That they have no interest in me whatsoever. What if one does and I ignore it and brush her off just because of this thinking. Sometimes I watch others and how they have someone who makes them happy and loves them and I myself have never experienced that. In all my mind and maybe my heart I do not believe I will find someone who will accept me for me but just shun away.
To me it just seems that my efforts are futile and I will just have to accept I may well be alone for the rest of my days. For this emptiness is like a disease that is slowly consuming me alil bit at a time. Eventually, im concerned it will be so bad that I will just look so far inward that I will turn away all feeling. That only myself and my work will be what I love. Its so frustrating but I am what Iam. If Im not to have someone than I will educate my mind to its limits and be the greatest I can be.